So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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