There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
