This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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