I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
