ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
