his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
