The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
