sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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