If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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