forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
