That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
