If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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