no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
