so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
