Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
