Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
