She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
