Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
