fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
