I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
