I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
