Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
