Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
