you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
