The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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