shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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