I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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