i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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