This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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