I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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