My underwear smells like fireworks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
