Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
