You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
