Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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