When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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