do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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