i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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