Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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