the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize