Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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