come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
