I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
