I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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