craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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