Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize