New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this just has baby written all over it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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