He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize