Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize