so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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