I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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