and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize