i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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