White coat. Heels.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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