remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
