high people should be assigned attendants
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
