hotel room ftw
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it because I queefed?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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