when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize