she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
