Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
