I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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