It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
