Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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