Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize