I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
