so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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