There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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