Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
