I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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