also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
