the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
