I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize