Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
