Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
