I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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