I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
