i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
