I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
