So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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