I wish I only lived at night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
