Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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