do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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