So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
