it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is Oprah even human
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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