You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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