do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
