I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
