no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
