woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
