If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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