8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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