I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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