oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
