I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
