you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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