I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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