apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
