the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
