Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
