Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
