I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
