oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
