New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
