Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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