So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
