I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
