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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
