If that was your dad, he is hot
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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