my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize