I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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