I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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